How I Became a Better Husband (Without Losing Myself in the Process)
For weeks, we walked on eggshells—afraid that one wrong move would spark another blowup. At some point, we had lost track of what we were even fighting about. But we were stuck—neither of us willing to confront the hardest truth: we were both wrong.
Underneath the raised voices, the death stares, and the slammed doors was something simple—a deep need to feel seen and heard. But in those early years, we didn’t have the tools to take responsibility for our part in the conflict. We didn’t know how to communicate effectively in our marriage or move through conflict without wounding each other.
I don’t remember how that fight ended, but I do know this: we’re still here.
This summer, Jerry and I will celebrate eight years of marriage and thirteen years together. And right now, our relationship feels stronger than ever. We’ve put in the work—both individually and together—and I can’t imagine that growth stopping anytime soon.
The Hardest Work I Had to Do
For me, the biggest challenge was learning how to stay present in conflict without shutting down or blowing up.
Growing up, conflict scared me. In my family, it either ended in screaming and someone running away, or in complete emotional paralysis. So, when Jerry and I would argue, I’d default to one of those toxic relationship patterns—either going into a full-blown rage or emotionally checking out. And every time, it made things worse.
I didn't realize it at the time, but my nervous system was stuck in survival mode. I hadn’t learned how to regulate my emotions, and I definitely didn’t have the emotional intelligence tools that strong marriages require.
But then, something shifted.
The Turning Point: Learning Somatic Work for Men
My first men’s somatic healing retreat changed everything.
For three days, I sat in a circle with seventy other men from around the world. We learned to slow down, feel what was happening in our bodies, listen deeply, and share from a place of raw honesty. This wasn’t just about talking—it was about rewiring how we relate to ourselves and others.
I truly believe that more marriages would survive if couples had access to experiences like this. When we’re in conflict, we forget that our partner is just another human—not a threat, not an enemy, not a predator waiting to devour us. And when we learn basic somatic tools, we can break those old patterns and build healthier relationships.
Men aren’t often taught how to communicate in relationships or how to handle emotions in a way that deepens connection. But when we learn how to regulate our nervous system, express ourselves without defensiveness, and truly listen, everything shifts.
Healing Starts With Practice
The work doesn’t stop at awareness. Healing requires practice.
At the end of this month, I’ll be co-facilitating MELD’s Prime Men’s Retreat in Joshua Tree, CA.
This 4-day men’s personal growth retreat is designed to help men practice the tools that will level up their emotional intelligence, relationships, and overall well-being. And the key word here is practice.
We create a safe space where men can try, mess up, and improve—so that when they leave, they feel confident in their ability to create change.
If you’re a man who struggles with emotional regulation, communication in relationships, or breaking unhealthy conflict patterns, this retreat is for you.
And if you’re unsure whether this retreat is for you, let’s jump on a quick call.
📅 Dates: February 27 – March 2
📍 Location: The Campbell House, 29 Palms, CA
Hope to see you there!
Men’s emotional health
Somatic healing for men
Men’s relationship coaching
How to be a better husband
Emotional intelligence in marriage
Men’s personal growth retreat
Breaking toxic relationship patterns
Men’s trauma healing
How to communicate better in marriage
Emotional regulation for men
